


Beauty Born From Pain

by Nugg



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Depression, Dummy boys not knowing how to properly convey their emotions, Homesickness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pegoryu Secret Santa 2020, Surprises, it’s how it be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28358049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nugg/pseuds/Nugg
Summary: Dealing with difficult things is hard in, and of itself on its own...It makes it much more hard when your boyfriend wants to jump on a train and come see you at every mention of said difficult thing.
Relationships: Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	Beauty Born From Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Late Christmas!
> 
> Hi! I’ve really been working my butt off to finish this for you lol! 
> 
> This is a story for the Pegoryu Discord Secret Santa, for AJ!!! I do hope you like it, I’m certainly proud I got this done. 
> 
> I always like this event because it gives me an opportunity to work with prompts that I don’t think I would have written otherwise! I loved mixing my style and preference of writing with what I think my giftee would like!
> 
> I spun it around and used Akira surprising Ryuji, and loved the idea of doing some Hurt/Comfort !! As well, love me some post canon. So I stuck to just a few months after canon eheheh. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It’s been really hard for Ryuji. 

… well not as hard as things have been before, with the whole Kamoshida incident, and being completely outcast by everyone he held dear. 

This difficulty was different in that it made his heart ache. His bones had rubbed together in uncomfortable ways at just the implication of moving forward.  _ How could he move forward?  _

It’s not like he could really tell anyone anyway. Because it truly sounded silly to be so down about something that would be small to anyone but him. Fear was instilled within Ryuji to his very core to not expose feelings of any kind, scared he’d get made fun of. 

All it would take was for him to drop the goofy tone, and put on his serious face. Tell them he wasn’t having the best time, and was struggling in dealing with most everything that was occurring. 

Certainly he couldn’t spill the beans to Akira. 

A multitude of things made that impossible to do. Most of all, being that the way Ryuji had been feeling was due to his absence, and the emptiness it left him with. 

_ Ryuji couldn’t tell Akira he didn’t wanna roll out of bed because he missed him.  _

A huge chunk of his life was missing, and that cutout just so happened to fit Akira completely. Even matching up to the smallest bits of unruly hair atop his head. The guy he’d met just over a year ago had to move back home, and even if it’d been months at this point.  _ Ryuji couldn’t handle it.  _

He was simply too in love, and too reliant on him to survive on his own. 

They’d only been going strong for about five months at the point in which he had to say goodbye. The whole group being well aware of their relationship at that point, they were nice enough to give the last moments with Akira to just the two of them.  _ And frankly it still was not enough.  _

__ It wasn’t very sound to rely on the guy so much, but he couldn’t possibly help it. Akira was the one who made him feel safer, he stuck out a hand more than once to Ryuji in so many different ways. His own shaky palms met stable ones when he was pulled up, feeling their fingers interlock, nothing had felt more right whenever he’d gotten the chance to look into the steel grey of Akiras eyes. 

Whether any of that be figurative, or actually real was beyond him. 

To put it plainly, Akira happened to be the sense of balance when Ryuji had begun to lose footing on life itself.  _ And it sucked to not have him in Tokyo anymore.  _

Of course he trusted Akira to be there for him, and trusted him enough to spill the beans on what might be bothering him. But this had all felt different from the last time Ryuji had called him while deep into a rather aggressive breakdown. His face showing worry all the way around at the image of the vulgar boy with tears in his eyes, trying to wipe them away with his sleeves. 

The world twisted that day, because Ryuji had sworn he saw a glimpse of his father in Shibuya. And that terrified him to the point of standing completely still, staring at the area in which he  _ thought  _ his dad once stood. Clutching the straps on his backpack so hard he thought he’d break them. 

His eyes felt dry when he finally blinked, coming to about twenty minutes after the initial encounter. Although he was ready to go body wise, flexing his fingers and wiggling his toes to make sure his skeleton was still inside him… Ryuji’s mind was nowhere to be found on the planet. Soaring far above the clouds and dancing among the dying stars at even just the flicker of his fathers face. 

Whatever compelled him to stop and stand still for that set of time, had caused him to sprint all the way home. Pushing past everyone in the square, and finding his feet pulling him into the back ways. Dashing along the dirty puddles with the stale wind in his face, maneuvering through alleyways and sprinting down tight and empty streets. 

His calves started to burn, but he quite liked the pain they’d given him in that moment. 

It was a reminder that even if the world was crashing down inside his head, he was still there. He was still alive despite himself. 

And even when the pain reminded he was still kicking, Ryuji wondered if that fact was the best for him. 

Was it healthy to think that way? Probably not. 

It really didn’t matter then though, because he flew up the stairs to his apartment when his foot met the first step. Feeling his chest become heavy when he reached the door, all the running had caught up with his lungs as he unlocked it. 

Still, he took off his shoes and set them neatly by the door. Already on his phone using the video call option before the warmth from his home seeped into his skin. The goosebumps from the temperature change still settled when he clicked the number one contact in his phone. 

Slamming his door shut so hard the whole building likely felt the seismic waves they’d brought. When Akira popped up on Ryuji’s screen, the world began to make sense. 

Of course, that also was met with immediate concern. His boyfriend could see something was wrong long before Ryuji spoke, and miles before the tears started to spill. 

He was there to calm Ryuji down, but in all of that, Ryuji had made Akira feel bad as well. Seeing the sad look to his expression after the tears finally stopped blurring his vision, even if he didn’t mean to, he’d caused the guy pain. 

Akira had openly admitted that it killed him to not be in Tokyo, and the fact that he couldn’t help Ryuji, had set his grave. So entirely discouraged, that Ryuji tried desperately through the camera to ensure he'd be okay. Bargaining with his own unstable emotions to keep his boyfriend from feeling despair. 

The words, “That’s it. I’m getting on a train.” After he expressed very confidently that he knew Ryuji was lying, caused a wave of sorrow to wash over the boy. 

The next half hour of that call was filled with various attempts to make Akira  _ not _ travel four hours to go and console him. Finally wiggling away that itch to pack his bag and get on the way, the whole situation kind of made things worse. Going on the sad fact that Ryuji called Akira for help, it spiraled quickly, and caused a wall to be built up virtually. 

_ Things like overwhelming depression and complete lack of motivation to keep moving his feet should not be discussed over the phone.  _

__ Instead, after that fateful call, Ryuji would share small issues. Like how he ruined a pair of shoes, or failed a test. 

Akira would too, except being stuck in a small town full of watchful eyes that stayed glued to the, ‘criminal,’ … his situations always seemed worse. Like when he was running late for class, and sprinted to school, some old woman called his parents and asked what he was running  _ away  _ from. They had thought he’d done something bad, and was fleeing.

Imagine seeing a teenage boy with a toasted bagel in his hand, and automatically thinking,  _ he’s just committed a crime.  _

__ It was stupid. 

It was stupid and Akira laughed at Ryuji when he said that with such vigor. Brows pinched, angry at the world for not understanding how their words and actions affect kids. 

They pissed Ryuji off, but helped Akira realize he wasn’t quite fit for the area anymore. The uniforms didn’t look good on him one bit, it was like he belonged in the Shujin uniform. Like his body was meant to be in those cramped halls at lunchtime, laughing with Ann, Ryuji, and sometimes Mishima. 

His personality was too big for that town, and it showed immensely by how uptight they were about most anything that involved Akira. 

All of that added up to the overwhelming need for Ryuji to feel his embrace once again. To let his messy yet tamed hair tickle different parts of Ryuji’s face when he kissed him. When he would grab his cheeks, and let their lips meet, feeling the warmth they traded. It was satisfying enough to have the smooth fingers slide down his face. Moving slowly to his neck, then shoulders, and coming to rest at his hips.  _ Always a process.  _

He missed Akira too much for his own good. 

Truly he didn’t know how nobody was picking up on that fact. Always down in the dumps, just not into the things he enjoyed anymore. His friends had to see that he was struggling, and it’s heartbreaking to know they haven’t cared to help. 

Ann just calls him a sourpuss. Futaba just forces him to do random activities and act like he isn’t sad. And Yusuke, who _ likely knows Ryuji feels like crap,  _ always bugs him about capturing his emotion on paper. Sitting him down more than once to sketch out the lines in his face that appeared with a frown. 

The only thing his depression was worth, was a school art piece. 

So, he went on like he was. Muddling through the days and sending fake smiles to anyone that looked longer than two seconds at his face. Calling Akira every other night, and basking in the sound of his voice to just keep him moving. 

Five months after Akira had left, was when Ryuji couldn’t take it anymore. 

Five months after Akira had left, was the second year anniversary of fucking up his leg. 

_ It had been two years since Kamoshida pinned him to the ground on that gym floor. Ruining what could have been Ryuji’s ticket to a good life. _

The day didn’t feel right when he woke up. 

Opening his eyes into a world he wasn’t content with, he’d swore someone had put molasses in his blood. It was incredibly difficult to just  _ sit up  _ in his bed, feeling groggy despite actually getting a decent night's sleep. Trying to blink the room into focus proved futile, the blinds mended together, the clothes rack went on for miles… it just truly was not his day. 

That statement reigned true at school. Somehow making it there in one piece despite the amount of wavering he did on the trip there. 

He lasted well up until lunch. Completely missing any of his friends the entire day, he’d eaten alone in the cafeteria. 

People pushed past, and the lights above clashed with the gray walls. Like they were outwardly asking why someone would paint them the color they did, if he squinted, Ryuji saw a green tint in them. Which was saying something, because he never really paid much attention to detail. 

Someone nudged him just before he’d gotten into the classroom, ready for the rest of the day just sitting and blankly looking at the blackboard. He’d moved out of the way so nobody could send him harsh glares for blocking the door, their looks holding much more malice for him than if it was anyone else. Ryuji’s eyes had felt heavy again when he blinked. 

Mishima stood, mouth shut in a hard line. Sucking in his lips like doing that could stop anything harmful from coming out of his mouth… from just one look you could guess he was nervous. Teetering on his heels, hands behind his back and gaze trained at the 3rd year pin by Ryuji’s heart, actively avoiding any eye contact. 

“What’s up dude?” He asked, knowing the guy wouldn’t initiate a conversation even if he was sound of mind. 

He grimaced before he spoke. 

“You’re needed in the office, Ryuji.” He reluctantly said, letting his head fall immediately so he could prepare for a response to the request. Years of torment etched into every bump in his skin had forced insecurity in speaking, never failing to not look jittery. 

In any case, if he didn’t want to tell, he didn’t have to. Ryuji was just curious, “Do you know what they want..? You don’t look too good, man.” 

He waited for a moment, the clock on the wall behind Mishima reading a time that cut very close to the start of the school day. Hoping the guy could just get it going before he was marked tardy by a teacher who still thought of him as a pain, and nuisance. With everything going on in his mind, he’d somehow had really good attendance this year. And the mess in front of him wasn’t going to stand in his way and stop that. 

But, when he looked up, Ryuji shifted moods quickly, seeing the worry and sadness filling his eyes, “It's something about… uhm… Kamo- Kamoshida.”

It had felt like someone stabbed him in the gut. 

The immediate reaction to the name was fear, which sent him into shock soon after. Wanting to step away from Mishima like doing that could help in any way to rid him of the feeling creeping up his body. 

Likely, his pupils shrank as dread started to sink in. Knowing that the guy standing in front of him knew exactly what his words had done, was even harder to deal with. Seeing his pained expression, the fact that one shit excuse of a man could bring this sort of trauma between two separate people hurt more than Ryuji could quite comprehend at the moment. 

“Ryuji I’m sorry.” Mishima managed, his breath shaky as he exhaled, “I- I walked in and they said his name and-“

Shaking his head, the boy who had no need to apologize, was of course doing so. Like the fact that the bastard existed and was back in their minds, was somehow his fault, “Dude shut it. Neither of us should take the blame. It ain’t on the both of us.” 

He sighed in response, Ryuji’s sentiments had obviously put him at the slightest bit of ease, and it made the air just a bit less heavy, “It’s probably not that big of a deal to anyone else...”

_ He was right, because nobody had endured the trauma that man had brought upon them.  _

__ Relaxing as much as he could on the jaunt down to the office, Ryuji knew for a fact that the look on Mishimas face had put a dark cloud on whatever was ahead for him. Ever since the jackass had his heart changed, the guy practically bounced around the hallways with a smile on his face. So, seeing that deep frown had set him back a year and a half. 

Crazy how just the mention of one person could do that. 

In any case, what seemed like it should have been a two minute walk, ended up being nothing short of a few seconds. His mind begging for it to last longer and prolong what was about to come. 

Upon arriving, the secretary greeted him with a lovely expression, looking at Ryuji with all the best intentions in the world. Not having a single idea what may have been behind the worried look he’d given back to her at the sight of the white paper. 

She handed it to him like the letter didn’t hold the entire weight of the world inside it. The paper slipping into his fingers, his own name written neatly in ink meeting his skin and threatening to smudge. Thousands of things ran through his mind at an alarming pace. 

_ But he still managed to say thank you on his way out.  _

__ Frankly, his feet couldn’t gain enough traction on the ground to run away fast enough. 

The rest of the school day may have been there waiting for him, but it didn’t quite matter. It was only two hours, and he knew for certain he wouldn’t be able to get through thirty minutes with the envelope burning a hole into his pocket. Like the letter was alive, he could be sitting in class and it would likely speak to him. Asking and pleading to be opened up to read. 

Pushing open the front doors to the school, thankfully that wouldn’t be anywhere near reality.

Ryuji was on the streets and thinking to himself before the horrific outcome could have come to light. Knowing that his mother would be getting a call about his absence, he was hopeful that when he showed her what was given to him, she could have the slightest bit of understanding… even if there was some scolding that came along with it. 

Whipping out his phone and finding the contact he needed, his fingers probably moved faster than him at this point. Working on walking home, and calling Akira all at once proved to be a difficult task upon the first set of rings. His feet not going quite well with his upper-half, he’d broken out into a run before he even processed it. 

_Ring…._ _Ring…. Ring…._

__ Did Kamoshida personally come into the school to hand over the notes? Did he step foot on school grounds and give the letters to the office to distribute to the kids whose lives that he ruined? How did it all go down? 

_ Ring… ring… ring.  _

__ Or did he mail it? Was he in jail? Or was he let go? Ryuji never paid attention to the news articles on the bastard as much as Ann wanted him to. Hoping that after his half-assed changed heart confession to the school that left out a certain number of traumatized students, he never would have to force himself to listen again. 

_ Ring. Ring. Ring.  _

Or was it not actually Kamoshida? Was it perhaps a letter from his lawyer trying to ease up on his case? Or was it faked by the school in an attempt to fill the few cracks they’d missed in not getting sued by the fuming parents of the athletes that crumbled under his pressure? 

It seemed like something Shujin would try. 

_ Ring, ring, ring- “hello! You have reached the voicemail box of-“  _

__ Akira didn’t answer him. 

Usually, Akira answered him.  _ Usually,  _ calling at this time of day would be a sign, and no matter what he was doing, his boyfriend would have jumped to see what was going on. 

Ryuji didn’t even bother with recording anything after the dial tone. Even if he did, with the running he was currently doing, and how jumbled his mind seemed to be in the moment, nothing coherent would have been said into the speaker. 

So he tried again. 

_ Ring ring ring…  _

_ Ring ring ring….  _

_ Ring ring ring….  _

__ If he didn’t pick up in the next two rounds… 

_ Ring ring ring…  _

_ Ring ring ri- _

He shoved the phone back into his pocket aggressively, more upset now than before at the thought that in one of his darkest moments, Akira wasn’t there. 

It’s not like he could quite blame him… it wasn’t his fault in the slightest, and he couldn’t ever have known what was going on with his boyfriend. Likely, he was busy with something mundane, and the fact that Ryuji was falling apart was far from his mind. So much so, that when he found out what he’d missed, he’d beat himself up over it. 

No matter how everything played out in Ryuji’s head, it came back to bite him so hard in the ass he wouldn’t have been able to function normally. 

By now, his legs ached like they did the first time a ghost from his past appeared. Throbbing at the speed in which he made them go, trying their best to gain as much traction on the shit Tokyo sidewalk as they could… his lungs begged desperately for air in a form that wasn’t quick and rushed breaths. 

He couldn’t stop. 

At some point he could have started to hover, or fly, and he wouldn’t have even recognized doing it. So far away from what may have been real, that he sprinted past the first few possible ways home, and settled on ducking through side-streets again. Like those were the only ones his feet were allowed to roam. 

The same feeling, but layered on thick, had arisen within him when he managed to reach his street. Trying again with no avail to reach Akira, certainly the fact that he was going to be alone with his thoughts was not making the heaviness in his heart feel any more lighter. Thinking about what a chore climbing the stairs in his condition was before he’d ever gotten close to reaching them. 

It didn’t really matter anyway, because Ryuji suddenly found himself at the top anyway. Staring down the flight in awe of what he’d accomplished for only a moment. Wondering just where in the world his brain actually went to do such a thing without thinking about it. 

How could he possibly put a foot on each step and ascend without any bit of sanity in his tiny head? 

Was it possible to be so out of it that you did things without knowing it? 

_ Yes-  _ was the answer.

Standing idly in his doorway, it was only then that Ryuji comprehended what was still in his hand. Crushed now with all the running, the paper crinkled when he opened up his hand to reveal the crumpled up letter. His own name barely legible, ink was smeared on his hand. 

Still… it burned to touch. And Ryuji held it tightly once more as he pushed his way into his home. Not a single card in the world for what might actually be inside. Whether it be money, or a true apology… the comfort of his own room was calling for him just as soon as his sneaker met the carpet. 

One last futile attempt was made to contact the person he loved, and desperately needed for the slightest relief. The dial tone echoed on forever in his ear, slowly inching his way deeper into his house at the lowest speed he’d gone since he’d left the school in a hurry just twenty minutes before. 

_ Nothing. _

Ryuji rounded the corner, tears threatening to prick at the corners of his eyes if he didn’t swiftly wipe them away. 

It was dark, because of course it was. It could be the only mood for this type of feeling, his phone sitting in his hand, the call log full of failed attempts. 

Pushing open the door to his room, and trying not to be loud, the apocalypse could have been going down outside and he wouldn’t have cared. Not giving any shits about anything that was going on beyond his own home, if he could wish it all away, he would. Wanting to say,  _ fuck it,  _ and never leave his house again sounded more than wonderful to the point that it seemed concerning. 

_ His shoes were still on. That’s how bad this was… he didn’t even bother to take off his shoes.  _

He set his bag by the foot of his bed, prepared to flop into the comforter and wait until the sun rose the next day to accurately deal with his mood. Knowing that if he indulged too hard, he’d likely do a few things he’d regret. 

Standing alone in the middle of his room, Ryuji could admit there was little to no attempt to steady his breathing. Nothing would have worked anyway, so he settled to focus on an object in the corner shrouded by shadows and hope for the best outcome. Like, maybe his lungs would get the big idea and settle down as well. 

Hoping for the best was something he’d always done, so one of these days it had to work. 

Little did he know, the world had suddenly decided to be on his side in the next few moments. 

Save for the mini heart attack he experienced, it was almost as if breathing and being a sane person had never really mattered. Huffing and puffing up until what seemed like the final moments of his life, everything stood still for Ryuji. 

The lights in the room flicked on, and he swore his soul left his body. It felt as if it checked out for a hefty multitude of reasons, a large one being the fact that he could feel eyes on the back of his neck. Like someone was stood in his room, staring at him and waiting for him to twist on his heels and turn around. 

Standing ridged at all the thoughts of how the lights could turn on without his own hand, it was easy to admit he was fearful. If it was a person, they’d be able to see his tears and notice straight away that there was a current breakdown going on. The room was bright enough to show off his watery eyes, and pained expression, even an intruder after the valuables in the home could be concerned. 

…. sadly though, it was a thief indeed. 

Just not the usual kind. 

Accepting fate, Ryuji twisted to see who or what stood behind him. Sniffing away the remaining bits of misery in preparation, he tried not to let his lip wobble too much. 

The first thing he saw were glasses. 

Whoever stood, had their arms wide open, seeming like they were beckoning for a hug. 

Then the rest of the body came into focus, practically materializing around him in mere seconds. Familiarity filling the void that once was, Ryuji practically fell forward into the inviting embrace, like he was meant to be there the whole time. Wrapped tightly and held on to as of the world outside wouldn’t ever hurt him again. 

Black hair, fair skin, and lovely presence… everything that happened before he’d stepped foot back in his home today had slipped away. Washed off by a well-deserved hug, and a sob of relief. 

Akira stood, squeezing him hard in the middle of his room, likely never catching a glimpse of just how broken Ryuji was before they’d closed the space between them entirely. 

_ “Holy shit,”  _ he managed, burying his face deep into Akira’s neck, hoping he’d find a place comfortable enough to stay. His mind running a mile a minute as he tried everything to soak up the wonderful feeling the guy had immediately brought to him. 

Closing his eyes into the calming scent, Ryuji smiled, “Holy shit you’re actually here.” 

A light laugh followed, and a hand rose to the back of his head, cradling him closely, “Surprise.” 

_ Surprise indeed.  _

Certainly he never would have guessed Akira would have been standing in his room. It explained why none of his calls were being answered, knowing for a fact that he’d probably fib on himself before Ryuji even entered his own block. Shouting out through the phone that he was hidden behind his bedroom door, waiting to pop out and hug him. 

The elation didn’t last long though, because Akiras hands pushed him back, and brought his face into the light. Cupping his cheeks like usual, wanting a good look at what he’d been missing, without knowing what truly had gone down just before he’d jumped out. 

No matter how hard he could quickly try and explain away the tears that just so happened to streak down his face and leave stains… it would be futile. Because his boyfriend got a front row seat to the red, watery eyes he wanted a good look at. Not expecting what he saw, Ryuji didn’t help matters much when he sniffled, and showed a telltale sign of someone who had just gotten through a bout of sadness. 

_ Though, he truly was still reeling by the thought of what may have been inside the letter. Feeling it eat away at his mind even though his lover stood clutching his face, what occurred unfortunately couldn’t be washed away by a nicely timed surprise of this magnitude.  _

“Ryuji..?” He quickly pushed away further and got an even better look, “Ryuji what’s- what wrong? What’s going on? Were you crying????” 

_ Ah shit.  _

Through it all, Ryuji decided to screw the avoidance techniques he’d always built for himself. Stepping away from hiding what was eating at him, and ignoring the months of silence on the big issues he was having, it felt better just to spill. To let it all out on what had been going on, and specifically, what went down that day. 

As reluctant as he may have been… there was a time and a place for everything. And today, he had someone he could fall back on for support. 

“I haven’t been doing good at all without you, dude. I ain’t even gonna lie… when I thought maybe it would brighten up… I got a letter from Kamoshida today.” He admitted. Sticking out what was still clutched so tightly in his hands. Likely sweaty and wet from being trapped so hard. 

Grimacing, he continued, “I haven’t opened it. I’m too scared. I just- I just… I got it and panicked, I tried callin’ you after I ran from school and you wouldn’t answer.” 

Akira took the envelope gently, holding it between his hands and looking up to Ryuji with something of sadness in his eyes. Still somehow so visible through his overgrown hair, and glasses, it wasn’t difficult to see that even with what little was said, it had wounded the guy. 

All Ryuji wanted was to shut his mouth and bask in the presence of someone he didn’t get to hold for months. It had been incredibly challenging to go to sleep every night without him, to wake up and know they were miles and hours apart… but now, even with that distance slashed, their reunion had to be postponed. Shoved away in favor of dealing with bullshit, all the things he dreamed of doing when they reunited were crushed to dust. 

Here Ryuji stood. Awkwardly waiting for a response, and wishing to be back in Akiras arms, hugging the world away and wishing to be in any kind of situation that differed from this one. 

“I turned off my phone so I wouldn’t ruin the surprise… I-“ he looked at the letter, then back up to Ryuji, “I should have known something wasn’t right. I’m so sorry.” 

_ This is exactly what he didn’t want.  _

_ Akira had felt guilty.  _

Shaking his head, and wiping at his face to double check any tears that may have started to fall, he tried to convince his boyfriend that everything was okay, “That’s alright! As soon as I saw you it clicked- if anything it’s my fault for not telling you sooner.”

The face that Akira made in response was enough for Ryuji to rephrase, “Okay- okay. Listen, I swear I’m good now. I just needed to hear your voice, and talk to you… and look! I got way more than I needed! See! All peachy!” 

Akira dropped his arms to his sides, closing his eyes into a grimace, “Ryuji that isn’t how this works…”

_ If there was any semblance of a plan… the current situation was not following it too closely.  _

__ Leave it to them to speak of such difficult things like this in the middle of a dark bedroom. The mood matched in all the ways it didn’t, and frankly, just looking at his boyfriend was too enticing to concentrate on anything too deep. 

The biggest issue Ryuji had been struggling with for the past few months, was the lack of spark in his life due to the exit of his lover. A larger portion also being taken up by the overwhelming need to spill the beans on everything he’d been feeling… he was tired of keeping it hidden from Akira. Always having the urge to conceal all troubles for the sake of both their sanities was starting to become unwise. 

Kamoshida was just the icing on the shit cake that was baking since Akira was sent back home. And now, he was able to toss that shit in the trash and start over again. 

Maybe this time they could talk out a healthy way to deal with things like this, rather than waiting to reunite. 

Laughing, Ryuji closed to space again, wrapping his arms around him tightly, and trying his best not to squeeze, “Dude- literally all I needed was you.” 

Even if he couldn’t see, Akira's eye roll was noticeable, “You can’t call me ‘dude,’ when we’re discussing something like this.” 

He was right, but that's besides the point. 

“Listen, I’m not joking, okay?” He tried, leveling with his boyfriend to not cause any more heat between them, “Just seeing you in person has calmed me down. I understand my ways of going about this were wrong, trust me.” 

Akira deadpanned a bit, “That’s a good thing.” 

“It’s just been hard without you here. I didn’t want you panicking like you did the last time I had a meltdown. It seems silly now. But you’re like, my comfort person, ya know?” 

Sighing, as reluctant to accept the idea as he was, Akira started to waver, “I’m sorry for that too, I see how it could have pushed you a bit to not want to tell me stuff.” 

_ If he were to mock him and repeat, “that’s a good thing,” it would probably warrant a smack to his arm… so he decided against that.  _ Settling rather for a nice long look at the one he loved, nothing that happened before the surprise had quite mattered anymore. He had Akira, _ his one missing link.  _

Offering up the letter, he looked to Ryuji with his beautiful eyes yet again, “What about this? What are you gonna do with it?” 

_ Okay maybe forget the ‘nothing else mattered.’ Part. This kinda seemed important.  _

Biting down on his lip, he stared at the envelope, seeing the various crinkles, and creases, and taking everything into consideration… was it truly beneficial to subject himself to whatever may be inside? Whether it be good or bad, it was still a painful reminder of that man. 

The fact that it spurred on the panic attack of epic proportions that it did, should have been a dead giveaway to the answer he came up with on the spot. 

“How about… we wait..?” He surprised not only himself, but Akira as well, catching his quirked brow, “Let's settle down, enjoy each other’s company. I’ll have you open it, and then from there we can decide if it’s a good thing to tell me what’s in it.” 

Nodding, Akira folded it up and put the letter into his back pocket. Suddenly pushing away all the weight it held, the phrase, ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ really did the trick in this case. 

Quickly pushing past Akira, he crawled onto his bed, flopping down and making room enough for another person right beside him. 

It was impossible not to see the large beam that came to his lovers face at the implication of a good cuddle session. Shedding his coat to the floor, and following suit, he joined Ryuji in a flash, bringing the other to his chest like it was nothing, it felt unreal to be back like this once again after all this time. 

But it was real, and the slight tickle he got to his cheek when Akiras curly hair brushed up against his skin was proof. The natural sweet smell he had given off was also noticeable just as soon as he let himself absorb everything the situation gave off. 

_ This is what comfort felt like.  _

He now had Akira right next to him. Which was frankly unbelievable. 

Why was he there exactly?

Because it kinda didn’t make sense to him. 

Ryuji never told him he was feeling blue, and never informed him just how much he missed him. So it was an absolute mystery as to why he was hiding out in his room waiting for the perfect moment to pop out and scare him? Who put him up to the fact that his boyfriend wasn’t okay? It all seemed a bit fishy when he thought about it hard enough. 

Sure, he could be concerned, and want to make a surprise but… the internet existed. And so did a multitude of other options before hopping on the nearest train and making your way to Tokyo over the course of a few hours. 

At this point he was curious.

“No offense… but why are you here exactly..?” He paused, trying his best to look upwards in the position they lay in, “I get it was a surprise but, it’s the middle of the week.” 

There was only a light chuckle in response, which made room for a slightly deeper shift in the mood, “Everyone was a little worried about you, Ryuji. They said you haven’t been acting the same, and you’ve seemed really depressed.” 

Sighing, Ryuji cursed himself for ever doubting that their friends didn’t catch on to his despair. They’d always been there for him, and so it seemed they did in this case was well. Just, not quite in the way he expected them to. 

They loved him too much to half-ass in helping. So, they sent in backup, and shipped over the one thing they already knew Ryuji was missing instead of doing a shit job at cheering him up. Selecting Akira to do the dirty work, and trying their best to be normal around him, and boost his spirits in their own ways when they could. 

_ He needed to thank them soon.  _

“... why didn’t you call me when you were feeling like that..?” He asked, propping his head up, and trying to fake not being as upset as he was, “You know you can tell me anything, right? It sucks to have to hear secondhand you’re feeling like garbage.” 

_ Or he needed to wring their necks for not asking him first to avoid any unnecessary issues like this.  _

__ He frowned, “They said they thought it was because I left, but I think it’s more than that.”

_ Ryuji definitely needed to wring their necks.  _

“No, no, no!” He quickly sat up, and flopped over onto his stomach to look his boyfriend in the face, practically straddling him in the process, “I didn’t want you to worry! I know it ended up doing the opposite, but I hated to see you feel so helpless… I thought it would be better if we just waited until you got here. Obviously that wasn’t the greatest idea.” 

Scoffing in response, Ryuji could actually see this eye roll now, “Uh, yeah. You’re telling me. It shouldn’t take a train ticket for you to say you’re not doing too hot.” 

_ Now he was getting scolded.  _

“I know, I’m a jerk for that.” 

Nodding in satisfaction, Akira grinned, “Yes, yes you are.” 

There was a pause for a moment as Ryuji thought about a vast variety of various things about the day. Everything that had just occurred was a lot to deal with… so when a certain issue popped up in his mind, he thought to ask about it. 

“You really came all the way out here for that though? That seems kinda silly when the phone exists.” He snorted, trying to block the sound with a hand pressed to his face, and failing miserably when he saw the offense written on his boyfriends features. 

Although pretty, and handsome beyond belief… the shocked look that played on his face wasn’t a good mask to wear. Ryuji much rather preferred the gracefulness, or silly expressions he had most other times. 

Shaking his head, he clicked his tongue, “Uhhh no, who said that was the only reason?.. If you’d like to know, I was also sad as hell without you. And in need of a break from life out in the middle of nowhere, you were my perfect excuse.”

_ Okay. As horrible as it was to say… that was comforting to know.  _

__ They were on the same wavelength in terms of mourning the loss of each other once they departed. So much so that Akira made the trip all the way out here due to that fact. 

He was homesick for Tokyo, and specifically, homesick for his boyfriend. 

But… the thought of him going back to his hometown, and suffering among the people who never bothered to get to know him… hurt. To think that he had to tune down what personality he had in order to keep a steady pace there was enough to deal with. Picturing their faces they likely made, if he focused enough he’d likely hear the whispers. 

Plus, it was also difficult to imagine himself alone again, without Akira next to him. Already used to having him back despite it only being a few minutes… it was dreadful to picture seeing him off at the train station once more. Knowing that he’d be missing him far more than the last time, and knowing now that they actually had a longer period of not being able to see each other than before as well… 

If they were going to continue to confess what was eating them away, Ryuji wanted to get this out as well. 

“I don’t think I can handle you going home,” he admitted, not a shred of doubt behind the expression he wore. Serious to a fault, however reluctant he may have been before, had completely disappeared by the time he told Akira the truth, “That’s not even exaggerating… I don’t think I can deal with it.” 

What scared Ryuji the most about the situation, was when Akira looked to have seriously been troubled by what was said.  _ As if he was genuinely considering staying for the sake of the other being depressed.  _

“Well…” he looked to the ceiling. 

Ryuji quirked a brow, “Well what?”

With a bit of a sly smile, Akira made sure to force eye contact, shifting a bit to stare at Ryuji full force, “Maybe you don’t have to worry about that..?”

_ Huh? _

__ “Maybe I may have asked my parents about coming back and finishing online… or something.” He added, like his words were casual and didn’t hold any sort of meaning to them. 

Shaking his head, Ryuji felt a bit light headed at what he was saying. As if it was a cruel joke, likely his face conveyed how unbelievable what was being said was. His own mouth ajar, confused as to what kind of person could ever tease about such a thing. 

Nervous laughter followed, “Uhm… what? You’re not serious, right?” 

Akira let out a bit of a laugh as well, closing his eyes and falling back onto the pillows, like he couldn’t help but to falter under Ryuji’s stare, “We only have like, a few months left of school. And I offered to help out Sojiro out around the cafe when I can in exchange for my boarding.” 

Another smile graced his face, this one warm and content, “So, Boss agreed. He told me he didn’t care about the money he was getting to let me stay like last time. He just missed the cat,” lowering his voice though, he revealed his own truth, “Truthfully I think he’s lying, he misses me.”

And then he continued on one last time before he left room for Ryuji to speak, giving his open mouth time to close, “But, in any case. Yeah. My parents agreed, and I’ll be just a short train ride away from you again. You don’t have to worry about me leaving you, or Vice versa, because I’m not going anywhere.” 

Somehow, through everything he’d just revealed to Ryuji, it was like he expected him to be completely okay with it. And not he affected far beyond comprehension, like the simple idea of it all grabbed his brain and twisted it too hard in one direction, he couldn’t simply wrap his head around it. 

_ Akira wasn’t going home.  _

_ Akira would be staying at LeBlanc, doing online school to finish out his high school education.  _

_ Akira would literally be a twenty minute train ride away.  _

_ They could have so many more opportunities to be with each other…  _

__ It wasn’t hard to tell why Ryuji looked so astonished, accompanied quickly by some harsh movements in all the excitement he held, “You’ve got to be shittin’ me! Akira!?!? What the eff’!?!?” 

Stifling a laugh, Akira shook his head, and opened his arms up one last time, inviting his boyfriend in for the hug of the century, “No, I’m not shitting you, Ryu. I’m here to stay.” 

This time, the tears that fell from his eyes were from genuine happiness. Elated, and overwhelmed, he tackled Akira when he returned the hug. Hearing the satisfactory,  _ OOF!  _ when their bodies connected, everything he’d went through in the past few months seemed to have all but disappeared in the moment Ryuji realized they didn’t have to be apart anymore. 

Through the pain of not being able to admit what was wrong, in fear that his loved one would drop everything and come to his rescue… to laying here wrapped tightly in his arms. Thinking deeply about the various ways they could spend their newfound time together, pure bliss couldn’t even begin to describe what was going on here. The world seemed to have shifted when he’d entered his home today, and it did it for the better. 

“I’m still sorry for not telling you I wasn’t doing too hot in the mental department,” Ryuji admitted, although muffled in being buried as deep as he could be into Akiras chest. 

Feeling a slight shift, Akira moved a hand to the back of Ryuji’s head, and took a deep breath, “It's okay. I understand what you meant though. Being in person to talk it out is much better than over the phone… we just know better now it’s not good to keep it in.” 

Grinning, Ryuji nodded, and closed his eyes. Sleep threatened to capture him though everything the day had brought. 

Feeling the love, he felt okay to go to bed. Yawning a little, and snuggling closer to his boyfriend, he had to remind himself that times could be much worse, and he was lucky as hell to have the support system he did, even if he didn’t think about it that much. 

He should never give up because beauty can be born from misery. 

And laying there, in his own bed with the one who held his heart long ago… that statement reigned true. 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me comments for feedback!


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